Jump
Jane Lebak
Jump
You told me, waist-deep in my death
While I shivered on the concrete lip,
Water and chlorine streaking off my swimsuit
To puddle around the 4' mark.
You won't drown
You said and it sounded so sure
With your arms outstretched.
But so deep, so unsure, so
Scalding in my nose when I plunge under
And then minutes of coughing
And a runny nose and runny eyes.
Jump
You insisted
You won't drown.
I stepped forward, toes curled over the concrete,
And then closed my eyes and flew forward
For one moment aloft
Like a brick
And instead of arms I plunged
Into the water, way under,
Closing over my head.
Kicking, flailing
While water got in my throat and my eyes and my ears and my nose
Until my foot struck the bottom and I could
Struggle to the surface
Coughing, sputtering.
You were laughing, My big girl,
You did it.
See, that wasn't so bad, you didn't drown.
Why didn't you catch me?, I gasped, wiping my face.
You said you would catch me.
Don't you see--it was nothing, you said.
Nothing at all.
The web holding me in the world, the concrete and the rippling death,
The burning high in my throat
And tears from coughing.
You broke my trust, and it was
Nothing at all.
Jump
You told me, waist-deep in my death
While I shivered on the concrete lip,
Water and chlorine streaking off my swimsuit
To puddle around the 4' mark.
You won't drown
You said and it sounded so sure
With your arms outstretched.
But so deep, so unsure, so
Scalding in my nose when I plunge under
And then minutes of coughing
And a runny nose and runny eyes.
Jump
You insisted
You won't drown.
I stepped forward, toes curled over the concrete,
And then closed my eyes and flew forward
For one moment aloft
Like a brick
And instead of arms I plunged
Into the water, way under,
Closing over my head.
Kicking, flailing
While water got in my throat and my eyes and my ears and my nose
Until my foot struck the bottom and I could
Struggle to the surface
Coughing, sputtering.
You were laughing, My big girl,
You did it.
See, that wasn't so bad, you didn't drown.
Why didn't you catch me?, I gasped, wiping my face.
You said you would catch me.
Don't you see--it was nothing, you said.
Nothing at all.
The web holding me in the world, the concrete and the rippling death,
The burning high in my throat
And tears from coughing.
You broke my trust, and it was
Nothing at all.